work in progress
*Wednesday, April 16, 2008*
the worst so far has been today. i woke up at 5.30pm omg. haha its horrible. its not insomnia(ok maybe partly) but mainly just coz i've been sleeping at later times and waking up even later. hmm.. maybe it'll go one whole round and be back to normal again. hahaha.. lucky most of my papers are in the afternoon. thats why i can afford to let myself do this too. im totally nocturnal now. haha sleep at like 7, 8 am. i need to see the sun sometime soon otherwise i'll just yellow out and wither haha..
have so many post exam plans!!! but i know i wont realise most of them, just like last year. wanted to go to so many places, do so many things but in the end was just too lazy. argh need to move my ass. Din and i were talking about how friends disappear after a while when things die down. its perfectly normal and fine but we just gotta get used to doing stuff alone. its good for independence! and i will finally go catch a movie myself after the exams. *crosses fingers.
the anger is pretty much gone and i've said a lot of things which i will probably get retribution for. but i've realised that nothing really matters anymore. i've lost faith and trust in a lot of things and i doubt i will see many things the same way anymore, at least not in the near future. its just about doing things that you feel like, wanna do since we're all still young and susceptible to mistakes or in a way "granted permission" to commit them. nothing's right or wrong and nobody is liable for any of their actions(well as long as its not a crime). essentially, its just about who wins and who gets played out. in this game, i lost. but who else can i blame but myself for allowing myself to succumb to my already gone haywire emotions. AND it was my own fault i wanted to let go first.
yet, being an extremely contradictory person, i dont believe that people who get hurt have the right to hurt others. so i just hope i'll still be the same, or a better person coz from this, i realised that i probably wasnt that good a person to begin with.
anti climax but im looking forward to the GST offset package!!!!! but it also means that im 21. still considering whether to have a party. i was kinda looking forward to it but i guess im not in the mood for anything now. see how la. relatives will definitely be invited(oh the ang baos!) but the rest see how ba. btw my birthday's 17th June just to remind everyone. HAHAHA. no party also must have present! 2months from now! PEH SHU HUI i expect a handmade card/scrapbook/drawing whatever. haha
ah ok i should stop whining and complaining. get a grip and study hard. (im always talk and no action i know) hahaha
yesterday would hopefully be the last time.
... 8:36 pm ...